Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
