I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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