You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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