You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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