one might say we're banned from that church
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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