dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
