Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
