So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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