And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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