Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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