I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
