you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is Oprah even human
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
