A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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