I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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