dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
