Im at strip club and am horny
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
