The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
