literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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