i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
