yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
