remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
