I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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