saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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