It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
