did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
