He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it penis luge time yet?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
