its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
