Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
