All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
