Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
