pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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