and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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