What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
