I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
