Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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