I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
