my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
