so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The police scanner is talking about you again....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
