She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
