I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
