are you so shy because you have an std?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
