If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
