im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
