i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
