Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
