to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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