I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
