even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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