I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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