i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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