I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
